Performance Nightmares (weddings and funerals)

I just woke myself up from a nightmarish dream about the “gotcha” situations one ends up in as a keyboard player. I have played Puccini’s “O mio babbino caro” at a friend’s wedding, to accompany a singer:

That was no nightmare, except for an incredibly loud noise the piano bench made when I moved it on the concrete patio. One other time I was given the opportunity to play a very old organ at a (Catholic of course) church in Sóller, Mallorca. That was a little nightmarish because there were registers (the reed ones) that were in such a state of disrepair as to be comedic. I should mention that the church was open, and I had a small audience I was told later. I was sight-reading from whatever ancient sheet music I found there.

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So here’s the nightmare: I’m attending a funeral ceremony at the home of an acquaintance / organ maker, high up in a loft area, and all the sudden I find myself part of the ceremony. Somehow I’m being lowered down to the stage area with the singer / shaman woman, who I am to accompany in a rendition of “O mio babbino caro.” I end up at the organ console (in another room) filled with strange things. I’m looking for the familiar 7 white and 5 black, and am distressed that I don’t see the foot pedal register at all. Then the singer helps me activate the lower register where the keys are paired positive and negative feet and hands which must be dragged together to activate a pitch. Which pitch exactly is a mystery.

Of course I have no sheet music and it’s assumed I can remember the part. I think it’s in D flat major, it’s fairly simple. I only mention this dream because it is a recurring theme, one not appreciated by musicians who play portable instruments. It’s very much like being put at the spot at a party, where upon hearing one is a “concert pianist” one is presented with a casio keyboard on which to render Rachmaninoff. Truly, the people who put one in these situations are the stuff of nightmares. Please don’t be one of them!